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It would have been great had I been able to complete all the races in the World Cup event, (and even better to win one, as I am often reminded by my coach) but it is what it is, and although I felt scared right after the accident, with the unknowns of my injury, but the day after, having digested the shock and pain of it all, all the anger, at the incident and at myself, just fluttered into a big calm sea.

There is always the decision to make: what now? It seems everything deemed important, requires one’s ultimate struggle of looking through the glass from both sides, as if one little speck of refraction would require an attention. This is the most wasteful of time that feels absolutely necessary and not out of place to the person involved. But after all, there is no better person to make decisions other than the person involved.

And so it is when it comes to racing. Or training.

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The athlete may be restricted by the rules, the organization, the weather, the team, the coach, the equipment, and her own physical limitations. It is never upon fair ground that we play. There are mountains, there are seas, there are gusts, there are lulls, but as long as you have the chance, there could be nothing fairer than unfairness for all. You listen to all, but may some pass and may some stay, it is all yours to say and play.

Nothing could be worse than doing without thinking. Thinking is a process in which you take the time to stop the world outside you and alone hear your heart beat. So many times I have let chance take over and lost my chance. I took a bet instead of following my heart. Or I let somebody’s voice cover the sound of my heartbeat. It is so easy to be sucked into the cave of echoes and lose your voice. The echoes just keep bouncing back and forth until you get fed up and start screaming, wondering when it’ll all stop. Then it stops. And it takes a hell of an effort to find your own voice again, sore in abhor.

I was able to make the call this time. The factors were clear to me overnight. It seemed everything had fallen into place. Shall I call this chance? Or shall I say I picked my numbers this time?

The thing about studying is you read and force yourself to know all the stuff but you don’t know when they’ll come to use. The things that you remember by heart most likely don’t answer exams. The funny thing is, decision making is the same. You pick all these little directions in life but you don’t know where they’ll lead to. At least you’ll know who to blame and it’ll never be the teacher.

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Michael Cheng finished 3rd in the men’s fleet which is awesome performance for him having just stepped up from the youth category. Also, it was great inspiration to see a friend of mine having just changed from the Mistral equipment to the RS:X for a few days and finishing 2nd in the women’s fleet with blasting fire, as well as another who had been disappointed with her bronze medal in the National Games but to beat everyone and was Champion in this World Cup event! I believe this is what sports is: inspiration. And we all need it.

19th October 2013

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